This topic has been on my mind a lot lately and something I often address in therapy because, well, it’s a damn good subject matter. Creating the balance I refer to in the title is part of becoming empowered and awesome and yadda, yadda, happy, great, amazing, rad, fabulous and so on. 2015 has begun, and if you need some extra help getting those sweet ass-butt cheeks in gear so you can actually achieve the goals you have set for yourself (resolution or not), I really think this topic is going to help you. So… let’s discuss.
Often times we confuse what we need and what we want as being the same thing. Yes, we need necessities like food, shelter and water, but when I refer to “need” in this sense, I’m talking about the things in our modern world that assault our consciousness and trick us into believing we need something that more accurately reflects something we want. As the lines between ||need||and||want|| become blurred, we can lose focus of what is important in our life. We get further and further away from ourselves and can become disconnected from our own conscious state. The more disconnected we get, the more we start to act like zombies. Seriously, damn zombies. Continuing to act strictly on wants and desires will eventually decrease your awareness of some really important things. Like the things that keep you healthy and functioning optimally, and the things you know you should be doing because they benefit you in the long run. When you lose//forfeit your awareness, you forget about what you truly need. This is scary for a lot of reasons, mostly because when desires overrun needs, we can lose control over our life.
Here are a few examples:
I love my phone and my computer, but do you ever stop to think, “Fuck, when did I get so dependent on these physical items?”
Who has control over your drinking, you or the beer company?
How did you gain so many lbs? It wasn’t by eating consciously.
I’m not berating anyone. Lord knows I’m huskier than I’d like to be, that I’m sometimes tethered to Apple products, and that I know what it’s like to feel addicted to a drink (not the sauce, but my on again/off again affair with damn dirty stinking Diet Wild Cherry Pepsi).
I know it feels good to lose control, to be impulsive, to not give a damn about what you’re eating, drinking, saying and doing all the time. We have a lot of obligations to fulfill in order to live the lives we lead. We have jobs we sometimes hate, school, debt, fucked up family/friend/relationship drama and lots of other things, so sometimes losing control, or not giving a shit can feel supremely magnificent. Keyword being: SOMETIMES. It’s not bad to get what you want: to eat cake for breakfast, to take a personal day from work in order to hang out and get nice with your mate, to spend $$$ on yourself because you work hard and don’t need to justify it. All these things are A-OK when they are balanced by you also fulfilling your true needs.
It’s not just about food, sex and money (even though those are really great things). Emotional needs and wants are important too. If there is a topic you don’t want to broach with your partner, but know you need to, you might want to avoid it, but ultimately it needs to be addressed. For example, you’ve been dating your mate for 4 years, you’re totally in love and really want to get married, but that partner of yours just ain’t feeling it. You can avoid dealing with this sometimes (so it doesn’t consume all your thoughts and mental energy) but, if it’s important to you it needs to get discussed, and the sooner the better. Avoidance tends to breed resentment and you don’t want that. A surefire way to prevent this is to pay attention to your needs and vest energy into getting them met in healthy ways. In this case, a need of yours might be to discuss your future, for purposes of determining where you stand with your partner. This is out of your need for safety and security. This is all 100% valid and 100% normal.
Quit Being a Zomb-oner and Start Being Awesome
To get reconnected to oneself, my advice is to simply begin asking, “Do I really need this, or is it something I want?” An important thing to remember is:
***B A L A N C E I S K E Y***
I’m not a party pooper, and life is no fun without being able to do what you want, but it’s also no fun when all you do is hedonistically feed your desires and act on impulse. That’s two-dimensional living that will leave you empty and unfulfilled, and you deserve better than that – you’re better than that. You’ll have more power, control, command, meaning, validation, fulfillment and happiness in your life IF you can create balance between what you want, and what you need. So, raise your consciousness and open that third eye. If you can’t find your third eye, poke around your face until you feel it. OK, so don’t really poke yourself, but do ask and re-ask and re-re-ask, “Do I need this, or do I want this?” “Is this serving me well?” “Is this truly fulfilling?” “Am I acting on impulse?” “Is this fucking critical to my existence, or do I simply want it?”
You are capable of amazing things. You have free will and can make choices that serve your life in healthy ways and promote your wellbeing/awesomeness. Balance. Is. Key!
Thank you for reading this! As always, I hope this sparked some inspirational activity in your beautiful brain. Please send me a shemail or hemail and tell me what ya think! Peace in your crease- by which I mean your magnificent brain creases!