• AUTHOR: // CATEGORY: self-help

    Thanks for making it to round two with me, guys!  As part of your journey toward increased enlightenment and self-awareness, I wanted to spend some time talking about a really important topic: feelings.  The relationship you have with your feelings is one of the most significant bonds you will ever have in your whole, entire, beautiful life.  Whether you realize it or not, your feelings have been around since day one.  They’ve been there for you through thick and thin.  They’ve helped you and protected you. They’ve even gotten you into some trouble (shout out to the premature ejaculators).  Your feelings have helped you mend that first broken heart, and all the rest that have followed, which hopefully haven’t been too many.  They’ve helped you prepare for conversations you’ve had with your parents that you weren’t stoked on.  They’ve prepared you for exams, presentations and interviews.  They’ve prepared you for picking your career and your partner. They’ve helped you choose your interests and hobbies and even the outfit you wore today.  So, since our feelings are deeply woven into our life experiences, it’d probably be a good idea to get better acquainted with them.  And, in case you’re not already besties with your lovely feelings, I want to help you stop with the fisticuffs and learn how to hug and high five ‘em. Because, the truth is, they’re pretty awesome and they’re begging you to hang out.

    Repeat as many times as necessary until it resonates: All your feelings are always okay all of the time.

    I say these words knowing that it’s typically not healthy to use the word “always” (or “never”) because so many factors preclude a thing fromalways occurring. Case in point: “You’re always late,” “He will never stop drinking,” and “Why does your room always smell like dirty hair mixed with butt?”  Always and never are tricky buggers and should be used sparingly because the reality is, someone is not always late, oralways drunk or always danky butt smelling.  But, as far as it’s related to your feelings, they are always okay all of the time.  Now, this idea doesn’t give you the green light to act a fool. It’s okay to feel fury towards the cunt-bitch who cut you off and almost caused a pileup on the freeway, but it’s not okay to follow her and act as stupid as she did.  It’s okay if you’re happily married and you get a little tingle when you see a Tom Hardy movie, but it’s not okay to stalk him.  And it’s okay to feel like a dejected hunk of corny turd when you see those God forsaken, soul crushing Sarah Mclachlan ASPCA commercials.  It’s okay, it’s okay, it’s okay! These are just some of my examples, but I’m sure the same can be said for you and your examples.

    Feelings don’t have to be uber complicated.  Research shows that the totality of our experiences fall somewhere within a variation of these 5 basic feelings: happy, sad, angry, afraid and ashamed.  For instance, happy can be linked to joy & excitement.  Sad to discouragement and hopelessness.  Anger linked to feelings of rage and loss of control.  Afraid to fear & anxiety, and ashamed to embarrassment & failure.  There is a surplus of feelings to be had but these 5 beauties are the home base for all of them.
    Here’s where it all turns to diarrhea. People get into trouble when they start avoiding and denying their feelings.  Believe me, I see it in my office all the time.  And do you know what happens when we avoid our feelings?  The answer is: they don’t go away. Instead, they just get bigger and bigger, and stronger and stronger.  Think Arnold’s progression of steroid use. If you are denying any type of feeling you have, you are doing yourself (and your partner, if you’re in a relationship) a massive disservice. Your feelings should be used as an indicator of what’s going on in your life. They’re basically messengers that magnify what’s happening in your heart. They want you to notice them and pay attention to what they represent.  They’re like, “Hey bro/bro’ina, why don’t you want to be my friend?  Whatever I did to cause this beef, I’m sorry. And I really want to kick it with you, so look this way. I promise you’ll feel better if you do.”

    I’m not knocking you for avoiding your feelings.  We do this because of discomfort.  We don’t like the way certain emotions make us feel so we try to run away, consciously or unconsciously.  Avoiding aversive stimuli is normal.  Most of us probably don’t eat rocks or lick white dog shit because, well, among other things it’s not pleasant (not that I’ve tried it).  The thing with your feelings is that you need to initiate a paradigm shift if you have a tendency to avoid certain ones. Call yourself out here. No one is watching you.  You need to learn how to lean into the discomfort and trust that it will be okay.  One of my sayings is “Ya gotta feel it to heal it.”  That’s the best route.  No train, people mover, dune buggy or pogo stick will get you around it. You simply have to allow yourself to feel.

    Before I bid you all adieu, my last truth bomb deals specifically with anger. A lot of people dislike the way anger makes them feel, especially when it’s aimed toward someone they love.  One reason for this is because holding opposing emotions, such as anger and love, towards the same person leaves us conflicted and confused.  But anger is a normal human emotion. Furthermore, anger often indicates self-esteem. If you feel upset because you were treated poorly, unfairly, minimized, overlooked, or disrespected, anger is a natural response. It’s your psyche’s way of saying, “Dude, what that butt nugget did was not right and you don’t deserve it.” Anger is not always a bad thing. It’s just like any other emotion and it should not be avoided.  Rather, it should be embraced and accepted. This doesn’t mean you should stay angry (or sad, or afraid or ashamed) if you feel it.  I’m not telling you to get stuck there. But, if you simply allow yourself to feel, perhaps you can learn to be healthier and happier.

    All your feelings are always okay all of the time.  Kapis?!

    Thank you for reading this!!!!!!!!

    Send me a shemail or hemail with questions or comments one time… if you want.